Sarkozy may be a canine vampire

Meg and Evan’s dog, Sarkozy, may be a Canine Vampire.  Little to nothing can be done about this. Reasons why Sarcozy may be a canine vampire:

1. Large fangs that look ideal for vampiring other dogs, humans, and electrical devices.
2. Sarkozy’s weird, subtle, mouthing moves which are obviously attempts to use the above fangs for vampiring.
3. Sarkozy can walk in sunlight — everybody knows that canine vampires are not affected by solar radiation like human vampires.
4. Sarkozy’s awesome blackness — “It’s like, how much more black could this be? and the answer is none. None more black.” (10 points for the person who knows where the quote comes from)
5. Sarkozy’s past and discovery — I don’t know all the details but I am pretty sure prior to being found Sarcozy was just doing the normal canine vampire thing, you know, being a creature of the night, vampiring various things, portraying self as an alluring intellectual with a sexy accent so as to seduce unsuspecting victims — all that good jazz. 
6. Sarkozy’s wounds resulted from a number of close calls with a canine vampire hunter — this is obvious.
7. Sarkozy’s name itself.  Evan and Meg think that they are the ones who named Sarkozy but it was actually the name he was born with.  Using vampire telepathy he projected his name to Meg and Evan and further made them think that it was their own idea.
8. I have not seen Sarkozy eat garlic or go near a crucifix/holy water.

Should Evan and Meg be concerned about the possibility that their new dog is a canine vampire?  I think not.  In fact it is kind of good news because it means that Sarkozy isn’t a canine were-wolf which would be pretty fucking bad.  Really all they need to do is make sure that Sarkozy doesn’t vampire them and they should be alright.  Remember canine vampires need love and affection too. 

~ by Nathaniel on March 14, 2008.