Someday we’ll probably have freaky hybrid animals and I don’t me like a mule (part horse part donkey) I’m talking like half walrus and half baboon or half rattlesnake and half octopus.  I think the first person who suggested to me that government scientists were already creating these hybrid monstrosities was my friend Waldo from college.  One night when he was really drunk he shared the secret of the the Orangaroo.  According to Waldo an Orangaroo was half orangutan and half kangaroo and all trouble.  He said that the government was breeding them in a secret underground facility and preparing to use them as super weapons on the war on terror.  This sounded like bad news bears to me so I offered Waldo another drink, he obviously needed it.

That was over four years ago but this morning I find myself thinking about what other crazy unnatural animals scientists might be breeding.  There probably are real life Islands of Dr. Monroe with freak spider bears and bat cantaloupes (I know cantaloupe is a melon and not an animal but you tell me you wouldn’t be horrified if a melon flew at you on large leathery bat wings).

I don’t know why I just wrote this post besides the fact that I enjoy thinking about weird hybrid creatures.  Here are some more:

  • Snail Jackrabbit
  • Turtle Badger
  • Lion Emu
  • Lobster Snake
  • Velociraptor Ninja
  • Sea-Cucumber Dick Cheney

~ by Nathaniel on March 26, 2008.

3 Responses to “Hybrids”

  1. Platypus and Platypus

  2. The insanity of it! I am pretty convinced that the platypus is a hybrid creature as is. In the year 2278 advanced geneticist will invent the platypus and then just to fuck with people from the past they will send it back in time.

  3. I just want fingers instead of toes so I can hang upside down from street lights and pick my nose at the same time.

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