Munchies

So at lunch today I was eating some Frito-Lay Munchies (what with the hard candy I bought at Mast General Store and this stuff for lunch I am just a shining example of dietary health today) and I got to thinking about the snack food and it’s obvious development.  Conclusion: The snack developers who who came up with Munchies quite literally had the munchies themselves . . . because they were high . . . on weed!  I imagine the snack development meeting went something like this.

Somewhere in Frito-Lay Corporate Office:  Three snack developers are sitting at a big office desk when in walks the big ugly mean vice president of snack innovation.

  • VP:  Hey you bums!  Sales are down, and our shareholders demand a new snack that will really get the market!
  • Snack Developer 1:  But sir we already exhausted all new snack foods three years ago!
  • Snack Developer 2:  Yeah and those last few flavors really sucked!
  • Snack Developer 3: Nobody even bought a single bag of navy bean flavored Doritos.
  • VP:  (shaking with rage)  I don’t give a flying fuck!  You idiots better come up with something or so help me you’ll be working for Wise by the end of the week!
  • SD2:  No, not Wise!  All their snack foods taste the same . . . like ass!
  • VP:  Get working!  I’ll be back at the end of the day to see what you’ve got.
  • VP leaves slamming the door behind him
  • SD1: What are we going to do guys?
  • SD3: We could always try and push the Broccoli and Red Crayon SunChips again, just, you know, with a new name.
  • SD1: We’re doomed!
  • SD2: Guys, guys . . . relax.  You know what I do whenever I get stressed out and need to get some serious thinking done?
  • SD3: Tear up paper and let it pile on the floor by your feet?
  • SD1: Wrestle helpless pigeons in the parking garage?
  • SD2: (rolling his eyes) No, no, idiots! (reaching into his briefcase and pulling out a giant fucking bong)  I get fucking blazed on chronic!
  • SD1: Sweet Jesus!
  • SD3:  Hot damn!
  • (SD2 packs a big ass gnarly bowl and the three begin passing the bong around.  Soon the office is clambaked with a rich cloud a sweet cannabis smoke.  Some time passes)
  • SD3: Oh damn . . . I am so fucking high.
  • SD1: (in near catatonic state) eeh?
  • SD2: (taking another hit)  Okay . . . so . . . ideas?
  • SD3: (while trying to simultaneously grab snacks from a RoldGold bag, a Doritos bag, and a SunChip bag he knocks all on the floor and just begins shoving the mix into his mouth. Note: Frito-Lay obviously provides snack foods at all meetings) Oh man, these snacks are so good!
  • SD1: (going down to the floor for snacks too) You’re right! This is delicious!
  • SD2: (struck by a moment of obvious stoned inspiration)  That’s it guys!  We don’t have to come up with anything new.  We’ll just mix already existing snacks together and market it as a new product! 
  • SD3: But what will we call it?
  • SD2:  Well that’s easy.  We call it Munchies!
  • ALL:  Hahahahahahahaha!
  • (Later on the VP returns and is amazed with the products)
  • VP:  You stoners sure think up some crazy stuff!
  • SD2:  We sure do (Big smile and thumbs up to the camera)

The End

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that is how the whole thing played out.

~ by Nathaniel on May 2, 2008.

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