Contemplation: Should Our Politicians be More Like Putin?

Alright, I’ll admit that we probably wouldn’t feel very safe having a manipulative former KGB member as a powerful political individual (though I am rather certain we’ve had some with similar credentials and personal interests) but how about Vladimir Putin’s crazy machismo antics?  The guy shot a fucking tiger!  He just went on a submarine ride to the bottom of the worlds deepest lake.  He knows fucking judo!

I think W. tried it a bit with the whole manly cowboy thing and flying out to the aircraft carrier in a jet, but Lil’ Bush was such a numb-skull you really had to believe that most of his decisions were made by Ol’ Dick “Wormtongue” Cheney.  You don’t get the impression that anybody is whispering in Putin’s ear.  And I have to think that if any body did attempt any manipulation on the Russian Prime Minister he’d probably rip that persons throat out with his bare hands.

I guess what I’m thinking is that maybe our politicians should be more like superheroes or something.  Of course if they were superheroes we’d probably vote for them more out of fear of their laser eyes or their crazy gargantuan strength then because of any merits of their political beliefs and goals.  Part of me wonders if this is how Arnold “The Governator” Shwarzenegger became governor of California.  I mean maybe there are just a lot of Californians who were like “He is a fucking killer cyborg from the future right? Yeah, I’ll vote for him.”

I imagine Putin’s got something similar going for him.  A lot of Russians probably tell their children that if they don’t eat up their borscht then Prime Minister Putin will come and punch them in the face with a vodka bottle.  I sure as hell wouldn’t mess around with the dude.  Sure it helps that he is probably the most powerful person in the remnants of the Soviet World Superpower and probably has a good sized nuclear arsenal at his availability but I think a lot of it is just the fact that the guy is a bad ass.

And that is what I think we need more of: politicians who are bad asses.  I mean we don’t want corruption or tyrants by any means (and Putin probably falls close, if not into, both of these categories) but somebody who doesn’t get pushed around, who says what they are thinking and people listen, and who might be referred to as a “son-of-a-bitch” or “daughter-of-a-bastard” (I honestly don’t know if there is a feminine equivalent to “son-of-a-bitch”* but their should be for equality sake).  We need leaders who aren’t pushovers and know how to lay down the law and who are respected (both for their political prowess as well as their ability to wrestle bears and fly blackhawk helicopters).

Politics, especially here in the States and likely everywhere else as well, strikes me as such a drag.  It seems like a mire of ineptitude and pettiness mixed in with the general soul crushing doldrums of monotony and unproductivity.  This is why it could use some quality larger than life amping up.  Again, Putin might not be a saint but at least he can convince most sane people that he is more than capable to kick just about anybodies ass if they try any sneaky shit or fuck aorund too much (take note of the Georgian war in recent history).  I bet if Obama did some classy photo-ops practicing kung-fu and maybe took a little flight on a SR-71 Blackbird (yeah they’ve been retired, but bringing them back would be half the effort of winning the bad-ass creds) that you would get a lot of the pundits to shut the fuck up about this or that and the state of is presidency.  It was a nice try with the whole beer thing just last week, but let’s be honest, just because you sit down and have a Bud Light doesn’t really make you all that awesome or tough . . . shit in the very least put back a few Colt 45s and slurredly explain how much shit W. left for you to clean up.  I’d respect that.


*Note of Son-of-a-Bitch:  Look, a little bonus contemplation!  A few years back (One? Two?) I read an article in Esquire (the ever clever periodical of most things awesome) about how “son-of-a-bitch” might be one of the best insults ever created (I couldn’t find the actual article but here is Esquires time line of Great Moments in Son-of-a-Bitchery. Note that Putin makes the time line).  The thing with calling someone a “son-of-a-bitch” is that while it is certainly intended as being insulting there is a kind of complimentary quality to it.  If you are fortunate enough to be referred to as a “son-of-a-bitch” it means you are that special certain individual who might not give a flying fuck about other people and every once and a while might just shoot a man to watch him die (Johnny Cash was most definitely a son-of-a-bitch in high degree), but there is a kind of rugged nobility to it.  On the other hand, referring to some one as an ass-hole means that they just kind of suck and are real dislikeable scumbags. 

Thus, as I stated above, I think that we could use an insult of equal worth to son-of-a-bitch for women (in pursuit of the whole equality of the sexes kind of thing).  Everybody know the most common female insult titling of “bitch” which is certainly appropriate for a number of people.  Then there is the hardcore c-word (which even as a regular profanity using individual, I strive to avoid uttering).  There are a number of others too, all demeaning and rough, but none that seem to affirm the same quality of character as son-of-a-bitch does.  Hence my proposition of “daughter-of-a-bastard” which seems like a legitimate feminine equivalent to son-of-a-bitch.  Perhaps some of you have you own ideas.  I’d love to hear them.

~ by Nathaniel on August 6, 2009.

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