Hello, My Name is Nathaniel Lord . . .

 . . . and I am a sugar addict. 

I can’t recall the first time I tried sugar, probably when I wasn’t much more than an infant, but my life thus far has been the wretched and miserable life of a pure sugar junkie.  I remember being nine years old and eating a whole huge bag of skittles at a movie and then having the worst stomach ache in the world.  In middle school I learned that drinking water was more fun if I mixed in some honey or powdered sugar.  In college not only did I have an unhealthy problem with peppermint wheels but I also occasionally dropped to the low levels of just eating a bowl of CoolWhip for dessert, just so I could feel a bit of that sweet sweet high.

Today as I walked down Main St., heading back to work after visiting the bank, I passed the Mast General Store . . . the world went black.  Next thing I remember I was on my way back to work with a paper bag full of a variety of hard candies, a root beer flavored one already slowly dissolving in my mouth. 

A month away from twenty-fourth birthday today and I seem to be so deeply dug into my sugar consuming habits that I don’t even know what to do.  I have never had a cavity in my life, but I know if I keep up the candy eating it is only a matter of time.  Oh yeah, and the obvious risk of future diabetes.

Do I need help? . . .

Fuck No!  I fucking love candy and sugar and everything sweet!  If anybody tries to take the joy that a bag of gummy bears or a bottle of CheerWine can give me I swear you will suffer!  Y’all been warned, do not get between me and my pursuit of anything sweet.

Thank you very much.

~ by Nathaniel on May 2, 2008.