Be A Man! Obtain these skills!

Evan pointed me to Esquire’s list of 75 skills every man should possess this morning.  Pretty good stuff and I am please to say that I think I score well on the list.  I have some more recommended skills which, while not all are vital to manliness, certainly won’t hurt you in the long run.

  • The ability to remain calm and take charge in case of a zombie outbreak.
  • A deep resentment, if not utter loathing, for self aware robots.
  • The ability to remove a beer bottle cap with your wedding ring, belt buckle, and/or eye socket (this one is for you Wes Tucker).
  • Besides being able to cook bacon, one should have an undying and unconditional love of the salty pork flesh.  This means even as you go into cardiac arrest due to all the bacon drippings you’ve consumed in your life you still desire to have a greasy bacon cheeseburger.
  • The know how to head-butt somebody like you mean it. Think Zinedine Zidane!
  • A deep respect for (and secret longing to be) either a cowboy, a ninja, a pirate, a space ranger, or all of the above.
  • One secret nerdy obsession that, regardless of how tough and manly you might be, you just can’t help geeking out to every once and awhile (personally I think the fact that I have several nerdy obsessions and most are not all that secret is really affecting my optimal manly performance — that and my damnable lack of awesome facial hair).
  • Upholding the grammatical acceptance of irregardless, irregardless of the fact that regardless is the more proper English term.
  • Ending an argument by telling somebody that their “face is stupid.”  (Then head-butting them in the chest just for good measure).
  • Along the same lines as the last one (but different).  Accepting an honorable defeat.  Sometimes you just can’t win and in such situations don’t be an ass or a poor loser just accept defeat, shake hands, and get on with life.
  • Be able to attend a generally unmanly event or activity and don’t let it bother you and or challenge your sense of manliness.  This one should have been a given on the Esquire list.  There are hundreds of places where this can come in handy and, in the long run, really impress the ladies.
  • Come to grips with mortality and fear of death.  I say this in all earnestness and not to be morbid or a downer.  Everybody is going to die someday and this can be a very frightful thought.  Every once and awhile, not all too often, remind yourself of your mortality and accept it.  Mortality isn’t something you are going to change.  Don’t let it bring you down.  Just let it be a reality.  Once you’ve done this (I’d say maybe once every week or every other week) go and enjoy life a little bit more knowing that it is what you’ve and it’s finite.

I think that is all I got for now.  Throw me anything y’all out there have too.

Note: I don’t add to the Esquire list or enjoy it because I am a chauvinist in any way.  Some of the things on the list can be considered just general skills for well rounded people regardless (irregardless) of gender.  Women likely also would be able to make up a pretty good list for there own gender.  There is nothing wrong with being either manly or womanly as long as you aren’t a sexist in the process.  Realizing that is part of being a well rounded person.

~ by Nathaniel on May 9, 2008.

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