Contemplation: Is Your Life Feeling Boring? Maybe You Need Some Pterodactyls to Amp Things Up
Happy Friday everybody!
For today’s contemplation I’d like to talk about something that is dear to my heart, that of course being how fucking awesome and bad-ass pterodactyls are. Seriously, I am a huge dinosaur fan (and yes, fully aware that pterosaurs are not actually dinosaurs, but instead their own branch of flying reptiles) and have a fondness for pretty much any prehistoric creatures, but the fucking pterodactyls take the buck by far. They are so flippin’ sweet that in all honesty language seems to fail me. So instead I’ll have you look at this comic:
Another comic from Left-Handed Toons. This one gets right to the point about how awesome pterodactyls are (click on the image to link to the comic)
There, good, glad we got that out of the way. So anyhow, I am strongly of the opinion that the world could use some pterodactyl zest in its day to day happenings. Sure the larger pterosaurs, like the Quetzalcoatlus, might pose some real risk to people, but that is part of the awesomeness (danger?) of living in a world where pterodactyls roam our skies.
Again, I will repeat that I have been a bit of a paleontology nut since I was but a wee youth (was learning dinosaur names about as soon as I was able to speak) but I really think I gained my great appreciation for pterodactyls during my college years. Back then, some six-to-two years ago, I partook in all sorts of various unmentionable revelries, but I feel that my bizarre creativity was turning out some of my most interesting works. On one occasion, while sitting and writing in a poetry workshop class, I began to contemplate about the possibility that a flock of pterodactyls that might be roosting on the clock tower and that this fact could cause some serious difficulties in my attempts to get home after class.
On another occasion pterodactyls provided me with one of the best extra credit writings I have ever done. The extra credit assignment was to write a brief historical piece on the origin of gonfalon flags. I wrote the following and am proud to say that I received full extra credit points for it: A Brief but Utterly True History of the Gonfalon.
You see, pterodactyls provide a wonderful historical explanation for so many things. Why did Napoleon ultimately get defeated by the British? Probably because of the well trained and disciplined British Pterodactyl Riders. How were the Egyptian Pyramids really built? Pterodactyl lifting services obviously. Look, even car crashes can be blamed on pterodactyls!
The fact is that the flying reptiles are a perfect element to make any situation better. And I mean any situation. I challenge you to find a situation which isn’t drastically improved (or possibly rendered more hazardous) by the inclusion of pterodactyls. Awesome pirate vs cowboy fight? Pretty great, I agree, but even better when the pterodactyls swoop down from the skies, screeching with their bloodlust delight.
The third Jurassic Park movie would have been an entirely irredeemable pile of dino shit if it hadn’t been for the inclusion of some very angry and dangerous pterodactyls (it is really tragic that they couldn’t even make the generally pretty cool Spinosaurus into a quality portion of the film). Just look at that pterodactyl, being all like “Fuck you Dr. Grant, I’m a fucking bad-ass mutha fucker!”
"Behold my amazing wingspan and razor sharp death beak. I will beak the fuck out of you Grant!"
Really I don’t even think I need to say that much more in this post. I mean to think that pterodactyls are anything less than fucking amazing would be utter foolishness and probably make you a commie (the Soviet Union was all about the Ankylosaurus; beefy, resourceful, and not one to complain about about ration lines). Pterodactyls are the pre-historic reptile of choice for the independently spirited individual who refuses to be tied down by the man and believes that terror is best delivered from above (with terrifying screeching and beak gnashing!). Bad-ass through and through!
General Lordisimo's Apocalypse 
Haha I randomly came across your old blog and clicked the link to this one, I freaking love your entry for today!! Dinosaurs are the shit. No joke! My little cousin (Chase, 5) always tells me when he grows up he wants to be a dinosaur. Who wouldn’t want to be!? I’m a huge fan of dinosaurs, even if I can’t sketch them very well. 🙂 Anyways again, I loved your entry.
Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed. Further, you can tell Chase that he should never stop pursuing that dream because it is “Fucking Awesome!” Though, I’d advise against using the word “fucking” when you tell him this, he baing only five and all . . . as a repalcement I recommend “flippin'” which pairs pretty well with “sweet.”